Bravely Being Me - My Body Image Story

Growing up I know my perception and thoughts about myself were tinged with the idea of weight and size from a very young age. I remember comments of:

• Hold your stomach in

• Stand up straight

• Don’t eat too much

• Do you need that (meaning food)

I was weighed by my Dad when I was 8 and I recall him condoning my weight for my age. I love my Dad and he is no longer here with us to learn and understand how his words at such an impressionable age can influence how I perceive and think about myself to this day. He also grew up with only brothers and in a time where women were only just starting to fight for the right to vote, let alone how words and actions can hurt.

I have always… at least from my memories of my 8 year old self, known I was different in size to my peers. I couldn’t shop at the same shops as them, or wear the latest fashions, I wasn’t as sporty or as “popular”. I felt and thought I was “fat and ugly”.

I was at boarding school with only girls and had comments made such as “will you ever lose weight”? Don’t get me wrong, I was not bullied or excluded from friends and my time generally at school was pretty good, but again I knew I thought and felt different, at least to how I saw my friends.

To this day, I am constantly fighting and challenging my internal dialogue about my perception of self. I am bravely being me, but sometimes I feel like my 8 year old self hurt by words and feeling judged by others.

Body image is an ongoing topic of conversation in the media, organisations such as the Butterfly Foundation and Reach Out are working so hard to help people of all ages, gender identification and sexual orientation understand and change their actions and perceptions and accept who they are. Body image is not specific to a stereotype and it does not discriminate.

"Research shows over 1 million Australians are dealing with body image challenges"

We, at Brave Heart Wellbeing, started the Bravely Being Me program for Body Image because we could see the increasing rates of eating disorders, anxiety, restrictive eating and depression. I was driven to identify and create an early intervention program because I didn’t want to see another young person growing up thinking of themselves as “fat, ugly, unlikeable and not good enough”. I wanted to make a difference and use my own experience as a tool to help.

Our Bravely Being Me program is divided into 3 parts:

• Understanding Me

• Accepting Me

• Being Me

Guiding the participant to learn about themselves and the people around them and the influence these factors can have on their mental health and wellbeing.

UNDERSTANDING ME

As I mentioned above, our perceptions of who we are, are influenced by the people around us as well as a number of other factors, such as how our parents talk to us, what our friends and peers say, our internal dialogue worrying about other people judging us, or our own judgement of how we look.

How we think and feel about ourselves can lead to unhealthy actions, such as dieting, excessive exercise, self harm and self loathing. Understanding the language and factors that contribute to how I see myself has allowed me to reduce the distress and work towards greater acceptance.

ACCEPTING ME

Not only does recognising the factors allow greater understanding, it can also support the process of change and acceptance. Most importantly I can recognise how many of these factors are in and out of my control. For instance, how another person sees me is out of my control. No matter what I do, say, think, how I look or how I dress can adjust a person’s opinion. Ultimately their perception of me comes from their own ideas, thoughts, feelings and contributing factors. I can’t change the actions and thoughts of my own circle of family, friends and peers let alone those of another person’s circle.

Furthermore, trying to change another person takes time and energy… both of which are a precious resource for most of us. We need that time and energy to focus on our own needs and actions. Our own internal dialogue needs the care and attention to be understood and supported, therefore spending time on factors outside your control takes away from understanding and accepting you!

Self compassion, is showing kindness and love to self and is another step towards acceptance. Being able to minimise how you see and judge yourself and the negative and unhelpful self talk, allows you to reduce distress. Understanding your internal dialogue can enable you to shift the conversation in your own head from being self critical to self compassionate, for example:

My body is too big, small, wide, fat, ugly

vs

My body can stretch and move

I must lose weight

vs

I can make choices to nourish my body

I am useless I can’t stick to anything

vs

I am grateful for the effort I make to care for myself

People think I am different and weird

vs

I am proud to be individual 

Being Me

It is not an easy process, understanding and accepting the things that contribute to distress and what you can control takes consistent and honest reflection on an regular basis. Learning to be mindful of your internal dialogue can be a great first step and calling yourself out (with compassion) when you notice the unhelpful thinking creeping in.

The more you understand, the more you accept, the more you will grow to love and proudly be you! Recognising the people, places, and things in your life you are grateful for, your strengths and what you value all go towards balancing the challenges you may be facing.

I know that I am more than my physical body, because:

• I am a very proud mum

• I am a loving wife

• I am a loyal friend

• I am a business woman

• I am generous

• I am grateful

• I am enough

• I am Bravely Being Me

While I advocate to understand and focus on the things you can control, it is important to know that we can still use our voice to raise our concerns and fight for change in areas that we feel passionate about, for example discrimination, women’s rights, sustainability and climate change. Although you cannot “control” the thoughts, feelings and actions of others, you can most certainly call them out on the language they use and how they behave.

Further to this, just because I am encouraging you to accept yourselves and be aware of unhealthy messages through the media does not mean you cannot love fashion and makeup and choosing to eat certain foods and exercising….but remember it is your choice and for you to understand, decide and accept your right to make that choice.

We cannot change the past, I cannot go back to my 8 year old self and tell her it will be ok, however, I can make choices now on how I talk to myself, how I comfort myself on the days that are not so great and how I speak to other people. I know that I have a choice… I choose to be brave, I choose to be me!